The following is Satire:
Parents of students at the Brooklyn Talmudical Academy were up in arms after a surreptitious video taken the first day of school went viral and caused an uproar in Jewish social media. In the video, the boys are shown lined up in front of the principal’s desk. As each boy takes his turn he has to produce his smart phone and have it measured by the principal. Boys with smartphones larger than 6 inches long were sent home for the day and asked not to return without a smaller device.
“Our research has shown that teens with larger devices tend to spend more time looking at them,” explained the principal, Rabbi Alan Moskowitz. “As an educational institution, we need to show our concern for the students’ overall well being. Clearly, spending too much time on a smart phone is not healthy for the teenage Jewish student. We explained our philosophy in an email to the parents this past July, they should have had plenty of time to switch phones or plans if necessary.”
Students couldn’t believe the school would actually enforce the rule, and choose to humiliate students in the process. “Until today I was proud to own a Samsung Galaxy 8+,” said Avi Fineberg, a junior. “In fact, I spent all summer showing it off to my friends. Now, I feel disgraced. It’s going to take at least 2 or 3 days until I get a replacement phone. I don’t know what I’ll do until then.”
Parents, like their teenage children, were also not appreciative of the school’s callousness. “I’m disappointed that the principal chose to start school off on this harsh note,” said Mordy Gutman, an alumnus and parent. “They should focus on more important things, like the code of conduct or hair length.”
School administrators stood behind their principal’s line in the sand. “It’s not about 6 versus 7 inches. It’s about trust. We trust Rabbi Moskowitz to make the right choices for our school.”
Written by Zadygaga. Zadygaga works in the healthcare field. In his free time he is a mishnayos salesman and lyricist